Mother's Day Lilacs

Fish on Thanksgiving day

Since I'm not doing anything on this holiday, I thought I would post some pics of my fish:
The second one is blurry, but colorful. The first one is a Pleco munching on a zucchini..

Leslie Gulch, Oregon

November 10, 2007

Bee stuff

Autumn Leaves

A couple of pics I've JUST taken from my front yard:

Finally, more photos!

Finally getting around to submitting more photos...I hope you enjoy these. Just a couple..

I'm not really sure if I posted this before, and I'm too lazy to check

Sentimental thought

Golf in Idaho

Golf at Osprey Meadows at Tamarack Resort, August 4th, 2007. Ignore the ugly form and fat guy w/ spindly legs who is yours truly, but try to focus on the beauty of the place and the fact that forest fires raged all around. The guy in the green shirt is my good friend, John. The fellow in the yellow shirt is Robert, whom I've known since before I was born and is needless to say more like a brother to me than anything, but I still like him.

I'm the one in the striped shirt and dark green shorts...who can't hit the ball.

Scamming the Scammers

There has recently been a big market for Nigerian scammers to try to sell nonexistent puppies on the internet. For fun, I've been posing as a potential buyer, and mimicking their rather poor English in my responses. Here is what I have so far. Read from the bottom up. I'm Shelby.

*********************************

[Scammer 08/06/07]

The weather here is nice

{me...he just doesn't get it...he's supposed to only say that to Shelby!}

[Me 08/03/07]

Dearest Engr Stanley,

This is Phyllis Pastenfusser again with typing by my good frend rowena as you remember my blindness. she has agreed to type for me the message as I say it because to her, we are good frinds. Stanley. this is rowena typing fastly as phyllis thinks about much things. you seem nice. maybe i can meat you?

phylis is back. Stanley, i am without hope at this moments. I have not heard from my lovely Shelby in some time. And although I have much monies in the banks, i am unable to make to it because I cannot see and they will not allow me to use a frind to write down the taking out. i have great concerns for my childrens as the little monies Shelby left for me are drying out in a hurry. i have only some macoroni and candies left in this household for eating and i do not know! what to do! pleasest! if you here from shelby please let him know that his families is in terrible computations about his whereabouts! I would love to get him puppies for his safest returns but I cannot buy food supplies as i have no more than a few coins in the side pockets of my pants which are very nice pants that dear Shelby bought to me. If you do here from Shelby please pass this message to him if he is still alive which i do not know of even at this point.

THANKS be to god for your frindship in these times.

Phyllis Pastenfusser, Doctor

[Me]

Date:	Fri, 3 Aug 2007 14:35:03 -0700 (PDT)
From:	"Shelby Pastenfusser
Subject:	Re: the weather here is nice

Understood. I will get back with you soonest. I must deleting this just after sending, as you are understand.

[Scammer]

Date:	Fri, 3 Aug 2007 13:47:12 -0700 (PDT)
Subject:	the weather here is nice
To:	"Shelby Pastenfusser"

the weather here is nice

{NOTE ---I removed the part where he also included the secret email in his response to it...which would have let poor Phyllis know what was going on. Dufus}

[Me, 8/2/07]

Dear Stanley,

I am trusting upon you as my most gracious frrind and confidant: I noticed that my wife and longtime companion has made to you with the contact. I must type quickly and make for the delete of this messages for my account as soonest as I send it. I hopefully you will understand my situations. I am sending you this message from burkino faso on the computer my University has most willingly provided to me for my scientifc studies. The truthfullness to You: I am now in burkina faso with my soonest to be new wife Pudenta. we intend absolutely to make with the home here in the next two days and anticipate that we will be receiving puppis from yourselves as soon as banking permits, probably one to 3 days time, god willing. I am sorry to leave away from phyllis and our two lovely childrens pencilina and fred. but I cannot bear it any longer. if you are a receiver of this messages please only to say that the weather here is nice. and Will know you got this messages and phyllis will not know what about you speak. then I can get back to you with the adress of us and we can arrange the shipping of the puppies. We are both missing them so much. Thanks be to god for your patient.

Best regards

S.

[Scammer 7/30/07]

Doctor Phyllis Pastenfusser,

Thanks for your email,well,i understand that you should be Shelby wife and also,he as told me about you,well,i know there wont be any problem with Shelby,also,the reason why i am emailing him,is regarding the bulldog puppies he wanted to buy from me and i dont know maybe he has told you about it earlier,but he told me that he just wanted to spend two days in Burkino Faso,so,i will like to know if you will be getting the puppies for him on is return,and also,you may use it as surprise for him on is return,i will await your response if you will getting the puppy from me soon,i will await your urgent response.

Thanks for your email.

Engr Stanley

[Me 7/28/07]

URGENT!! Engr Stanley, This is Phyllis Pastenfusser writing to you having a frind enter the message as I am quite blind. The reasons I appeal to you most urgently is that since the time my best husband Shelby has gone to Burkina Faso I have not been hearing any messages from him! and I fear the worst outcome of his safety! I appeal to you as a matter of last resort in hopes that you have had some contact with Shelby of some sort, as I am aware that you are very good friends and he spoke with utmost highly of you at all times in the recent past. Please, if you have any informations as to his well being, please keep me informed, as my heart is growing frightened that he may be fallen in to some troubles in His travels to and fro in Burkino Faso.

With much thanks beforehand,
Kindest regards,
Doctor Phyllis Pastenfusser

[Scammer 7/27/07]

Greetings Shelby Pastenfusser,

I have being waiting for you to get back to me with
your email regarding the payment but havent heard
from you,i will want you to get back to me soonest

Get back to me soonest.

Engr Stanley

[Scammer 7/23/07]

Hello,

 I will want you to know that i am expecting your email,so,
i will want you to update me soonest so that i can know how to proceed now.

Thanks

Engr Stanley

[Scammer 7/21/07]

Greetings Shelby

Thanks for your email,am really happy to hear from you and also,
about your wife walking without outside assistance,am really
happy for you and also,i too hopefull to hear from you,when
you get back from Burkino Faso,you will send the payment so
that i can get the puppies shipped and also,when are you
getting back from Burkino Faso.i hopefully wait hear to
hear from you or soon.



Warm Regards To You & Your Wife.



Thanks.



Engr Stanley

[Me 7/21/07]

Greetings Stanley,

Thank you so very much for your kind concerns. I am most gracious to announce to you and your family that Phyllis is commencing much more likely. She is now with the ability to walk without outside assistance. I am hopefull that upon my returns from Burkino Faso we will be in a position to commensurate with you on the matters of such gorgeous puppis.

Shelby

[Scammer 7/19/07]

Hello Shelby,

    I will want you to update me on what is happening.

Engr Stanley

[Scammer 7/17/07]

Greetings Shelby,

Thanks for your email,well,but i want you to know that your
traveling does not count on the shipping of the puppies,you
can make the payment,then i will have the shipping booked
and shipped them at your own convenience.
So,it will be more okay if you can make the payment soon
before going to Burkina Faso for the two day conferences
on matters of all scientific merit,so that on your return,
you will just email me that i can ship them soon then all
will be fast and if you insist on sending the payment after
returning from conferences,well,let me know,i will await
your soonest and urgent email.



Thanks



Engr Stanley

[Me 7/17/07]

Hello Stanley,

Thanks much to you for our kind wishes regarding my most dearest wife, Phyllis. Unfortunately in regards to us, after her experinces with ambulatory gingivitis Phyllis has taken on a case of traumutized narcolepsy in addition to the above. More so, in the mist of my trials with my lovely wife who not yet experienced her 17 year birthday celbration I have been called swiftly and without determination to Burkina Faso for a two day conferences on matters of all scientific merit.

I have utmost intentions of sending the payment of which you are much concerned, and I am hopefully awaiting good news that this delay of minor indications is not in problem with your plan. Three days of time should be complete to engage the conference with. Upon my return I will be able to formally and without merit meet your conjuncture.

Thanks be to god for your continuous support of the endeevors of which we speak.

Please to give the delicous puppies good cares in the meantimes.

Shelby

[Scammer 7/16/07]

Greetings Shelby,

How are you and your wife,hope all is well,may god
almigthty help us,my main reason for my email is
about the payment,i will like to know if you have
send the money if so,i will want you to know that
awaiting the western union details and if you have
not yet sent it,i will like to know if there is no
problem because i have explain about it to you,i
will await your email soonest.

Best Regards.

Thanks

Engr Stanley

[Scammer 7/15/07]

Greetings Shelby,

Well,the MTCN # is a 10 digit # that will be given to you after you have sent the money through western union money transfer,and also,here is a western union Agent location below:

Western Union Agent locations :
CPR BILLETS
35 RUE DE LA BOURSE
LYON , LYON , 69002
Addresses Phone Number: 0825825842

When you get there,you will be given a form to fill or you may be asked where you want to send the money to,then,you will give them the information that i gave you as the receivers information which is my wife:

Here is the information you need to make the payment through western union money transfer below.

Receiver's Name: Gladys Moran ( my wife )
Receiver's Address information
City: Fort Wayne
State: Indiana
Zip Code: 46809
Country: United State

And after sending the money,the information below will be given to you after sending the money through western union money transfer.

Senders Information Needed Below:

Senders Name: ?????????
Senders Address: ?????????
MTCN # : ??????????
Question : Who is the greatest.
Answer: God
Amount Sent: ????????

Then,they will give you the MTCN# including other information asked above.I will await the Senders information and also,Get back to me soonest

Engr Stanley


[Me 7/14/07]

Hello Stanley,

I apologize for my ignorance but I am unable to complete the below.

What is this MTCN #?

Bestest regards
Shelby

[Scammer 7/14/07]

Stanley & Gladys <sberb009@yahoo.com> wrote:

Greetings to you all,

I want to you to be rest assure that the puppies are yours and will be with you once i ship them. I will ship them along with the food they have been eating and softs bed. Kindly make the payment through western union to the information below and once the payment confirmed I'll get back to you with the flight details once i get it from the shipping company.

Here is the information you need to make the payment to below.

Receiver's Name: Gladys Moran ( my wife )
Receiver's Address: Fort Wayne, Indiana, 46809

I will need the information below after sending the payment through western union money transfer.

Senders Information Needed Below:

Senders Name: ?????????
Senders Address: ?????????
MTCN # : ??????????
Question : Who is the greatest.
Answer: God
Amount Sent: ????????

I will await the payment information and also,Get back to me soonest and also,please,promise me you will love your dream puppies and take good care of the puppies.

Best Regards.

Engr Stanley

[Me 7/14/07]

Hello Stanley,

It has been a tribulous several days for Phyllis and ourselves, as Phyllis became stricken with ambulatory gingivitis. We are with hope that items regarding our live are now on a normal routine. I am most apologetic for not getting back to you.

I am sorry that we did not unerstand your situation in respect to visitation or using a telephone. It seems that the company of which for you are working forces you to not ever leave the building and will not with kindness allow you to telephone.

Please find below the informations of which you so kindly requested.

[Scammer 07/08/07]

Greetings Shelby,

Thanks for your response,i told you earlier that i am here for my work and i wont be able to recieve visitors and I never knew the weather in Indiana will not friendly with my puppies,and also,i am not able to use a phone over here too because of my work policy,you may look into our site to confirm and see for your self,so,i will be happy if you can allow me to ship the puppies to you,because i dont want to lose my work,please,try to understand me,So if you are interested let me know by forwarding the details below:

Complete Name:...
Complete Address:...
Cell Phone Number:...
Name of the nearest Airport to your home:...

So that i can arrange for the shipping,and know the shipping charges and i want you to promise me that you will take good care of the baby and you will keep me update with current pics. Puppy will be deliver nextday after shipping, with express shipping service.

I will await your urgent response as soon as possible.

Engr. Stanley Beddingfield........

[me, after no response 07/08/07]

Hello Stanley,

I have not heard about you for some time. Is your officiousness precluding a response? Phyllis and I are understandable that you are busy beyond belief. Please let us know that status of these babies, as we are quite anxious to meet them. Unfortunately for my children (some of which can train ponies quite expertly) Phyllis has taken ill and may not be able to drive in the spacious road car of which we have acquired. It may be that you may indeed need to ship them forward to us.

Please let us know your disposition so that we may gain a home for these lovely darlings!

Kind regards,
Shelby

[me 07/07/07]
Hello Stanley,

I apologize muchly for my delayed response, but as I am a computer scientist I have been mostly occupied with matters of computers and science for the remaining hours since our correspondence changed hands. My wife of 16 years of age and I are completely excited by your kindness and generous offerings of puppy grooming and feeding guide magazines. I am with utmost hope that these include detailed and crafted guides to grooming our newest puppies! I regret to state with profound zeal that Phyllis is blind, and as such, she cannot read nor see items. I will, of course, be willing, to read them to her out loud as the puppies sleep on her.

In reading your mail, it has become to my attentions that it is less than necessary for you to go through the unimaginable difficulty of shipping the puppies to our home airport. As you can see, Phyllis my wife of 16 years of age and I are both registered citizens of Indiana, and for that in mind, we can soonestly drive to meet you and exchange of cash for these precious babies. I am currently in possessions of a low mileage 1994 Blue Ford Aerostar van that I have been able to arrange the transport of through the local chamber of commerse as it is associated with my work on computer and scientific items. We will meet you at your nearliest convenience in any Spot in Indiana that you choose, and hope that the puppies are enjoyable of the ride in a good sized road car.

We must say we are in appreciation for your ability to work with our needs upon such short notice as this explains, as you are entirely a busy person of great interest.

Best regards,

Shelby

*********************************
[Scammer 07/06/07]

Greetings Shelby,

Thanks for your response,well,i understand you and your wife are now 16 years and are so excitable about growing Tommy & Suzzy,well,that will be very lovely but that does not say that you should not get back to me with the details asked to know the shipping charges and also,fill the space needed below:

Complete Name:...
Complete Address:...
Cell Phone Number:...
Name of the nearest Airport to your home:...
Please let me know the names you want on the puppy tag:.........

I'm only asking $1400 for the puppies and this will include, shipping/handling, insurance and every other neccessary expense regarding the delivery of the puppies because seems you are really intrested in them,so i will stop the add from the site.I can have them ship upon the confirmation of payment, I will get puppies out immediately for shipping, I can ship today and you should have them nextday after shipping. Please let me know the names you want on the puppy tag.

And Payment will be via western union money transfer OR Moneygram,soonest I confirm payment details, I will get your puppies ship by the next available Air flight, and you should have them next day after shipment. Delta shipping Agency are more reputable and reliable when shipping livestock and they also offer express shipping. let me know if you would like some puppy grooming and feeding guide magazines so that I can include them in the shipping.

Please let me know if this is OK with you so that I can forward payment informations.

Thanks again for your love and caring for my adorable babies.

Engr Stanley

********************************

[me 07/06/07]

Hello Stanley,

As you can see my wife and I of 16 years are so excitable about growing these two darlingness Puppies for our very own! We are in such a state of excitableness about this that you may have difficulty understanding our excitemented approach, but we cannot wait To take care of them for all time!

Kind regards,
Shelby!

*********************************

[scammer 07/06/07]

Greetings Shelby,

Thanks for your response,well,i assumed you will be getting my babies,you can teach them how to swim but they love waters,so it not a problem and also,i will need the information below to know the shipping cost.

Complete Name:...
Complete Address:...
Cell Phone Number:...
Name of the nearest Airport to your home:...

So that i can arrange for the shipping and know the shipping charges and i want you to promise me that you will take good care of the baby and you will keep me update with current picture. Puppy will be deliver next day after shipping, with express shipping service.

I will await your urgent response as soon as possible.

Stanley

**************************************

[me 07/06/07]

Hello Stanley,

It is with great interest that I have found your email regarding these adorable Puppies! I think that it is most likely that I should make acquirements for them to come and stay with me and my wife Phyllis for the foreseeable future! As we are both computer scientists of major universities, we have much spare time as to regards with them. We intend to love them and give them the most implacable homes. Do the puppies prefer to swim? I ask only as we are nearly beside a lake of regardless size, and I am hopefully cherishing the fact that they enjoy waterness.

Kind regards,
Shelby

**************************************

[scammer 07/06/07]

Greetings Shelby,

Thanks for the mail. I give thanks to the Newspaper who directed you to me. My name is Engr. Stanley Beddingfield,I am a construction engineer. The reason I want to sell the puppies is because of the new job I am currently working on. The nature of my job takes me to almost every part of the State,Right now Am currently in Indiana on a construction contract to help complete the Tinapa Premier Business Resort Center in the eastern part of United State,I came into Indiana with my bullies, I never knew the weather in Indiana will not friendly with my bullies. Another reason which prompted me to selling the bullies back is because I hardly have time to go home and I do not have any one whom can take care of them the way I will care and love them. Am looking for a good home for my pets and if you can assure me they will be well taken cared of and they will be allowed inside. I will also like to know if I can visit them when I get back home. My bullies are Registered (AKC), Current on vaccinations, Veterinarian examination, Health certificate, +1 year health guarantee, Excellent Temperament, 13 weeks old. All their papers are available, Travel crate. My bullies are very friendly and likes to play all the time. The male is Tommy, while the female is Suzzy. Below is the website for the job am currently working on.

www.tinapa.com

I am giving them away for $700 each. If this is okay by you kindly get back to me with some information on the nearest airport to the city you are so I can figure out the appropriate shipping cost. I will also like you to get back to me with the convenient time for you to pick them at the airport so that I can schedule the shipment to your convenient time.

Kind Regards.
Engr. Stanley Beddingfield........

*******************************************

[Me.. a brand new scammer to respond to! 07/05/07]

Hello Stanley,

I’m interested in the puppy, if it is still available. Is it a male or female? What other information can you give me about it?

Thanks,

Shelby

[Me.. a brand new scammer to respond to—the famous STANLEY!]

**************************
Never received a response on the last one below.

*************************************

[me]

Hi,
It is with great enthusiasm that I received your email regarding this new puppy I have found. I express great Concern and gratitude for your forthright friendship in perchance to her. As I am in University and my homeland is in west africa, I have much opportunity for flights to and from Burkina Faso. I would suggest that as a matter of considerable importance and urgency, I may be able to fly to west africa in a weeks Time and bring you as a matter of trade a baby goat to somewhat offset the Cost of this puppy, if that is in a way acceptable to your accomodations. Please let me know with utmost urgency if this is an arrangement that would be formidable to you.

Kindest regards and warmest wishes,
Shelby

************************************

[scammer 1]

Hello,
A million thanks for your interest, I am grateful that I found an intending parent
for my pet, I also give thanks to my Client who directed you to me. I`m giving her
out for adoption.
she's 15 wks currently and akc registered all their shots are up to date. She is 800 or best offer.I had to move to West Africa recently and could not take care of her anymore.I need a great home for her because she is so precious to me.It is quite unfortunate that I
have to give her away because,the weather here is not conducive for her. I will be
very happy if you will take her as your baby.Her name is Pearl. She is very good with kids and loves to play a lot this is just one of her beautiful characters, I never
wanted to sell her but the weather here in West Africa is not helping matters at all.
If you are interested kindly get back to me ASAP so that the baby can be on her way to her new home upon conclusion of shipping arrangement.Kindly forward your full Name and Address for me to arrange for the shipment. You will have to promise me that you will take good care of her and that you will send me pictures of her for at least the
first 2 months of her stay with you. I will be making use of the same flight operator that flew me into West Africa.Let me know how much you can offer for her.
I am attaching her pictures for you to view.

Thank you for your time and God bless.
(Egnr.)Eric

**NOTE**: The beauty of life does not depend on how happy you are,
but on how happy others can be because of you.

*********************************************

[me]

Dear Mr Miller, Plese see attached email. I understand that you have a puppy of which requires a new home in the united States. I am interested in details of this puppy, and if you still have it.

kind regards,
Shelby
*********************************************

[Me]

Thank you so much for your kind reply.
I will contact Mr Eric Miller of which you speak, as I admire his working for Children very muchly. As You see, I am on Leave in the United states working for a major university as a scientist concerned with scientific matters of all manner and kind and as such I have very much time on my hands to devote to a new puppy. You may Wish to contract Mr Eric Miller to know that I will be sending him an email soon, if I have not done so up to this point.

Thank you for your kind attentions,
Shelby

*********************************************
[scammer 1]
Mary Martins wrote:

Hi,
I'm so sorry to have gotten your mail a bit late. I sold that baby you saw on the prints to one Mrs.Andrew who resides in Knoxville, TN. I'm really Sorry about that but you can get in touch with a customer that purcased a bully from me not quite long ago.
He goes by the name Eric Miller, he contacted me few days ago that he had to move to West Africa for some construction works related to building motherless babies homes around West-Africa. He said he would like to resell the puppy back to the United States. He said his commitment to offering help to Humanity could not enable him take good care of the puppy and that the climatic condition of the country seems too harsh for her health and he needs a caring parent who can adopt the pup back to the United States. You may contact him via email directly.
Email: ericmiller1956@yahoo.com

He would tell you more about the pup. He will be so happy when you tell him I

reffered you to him.
Kindly inform me once the pup has been adopted.

Goodluck!!!
Mrs Martins

*********************************************

[me]

I am interested in the puppy that you advertised in the local newspaper. Is it (he or she) still available? If so, could you tell me a little more about it and when I would be able to see it?

Thank you very much,

Shelby

[this is the first scammer who is not as persistent as Stanley]

Mrs. Robin

I'm very sad to report that some kind of creature (who knows) destroyed mom's eggs and she has since abandoned the nest. I discovered this yesterday (Friday). Poop. I was looking forward to the little buggers hatching and taking flight. Not gonna happen.

Mrs. Robin

So, I have this mother robin on a nest in my pine tree, and she's seems rather content to let me take pictures of her...so I did. Hope these come out OK.

Let's see how this works

Just seeing if I can resize anything, don't get the wrong idea. I'm not self absorbed or anything.

Long ago

I think I was about 14 years old here...trying to look moody whilst having a cat (Texas) draped around my neck. Maybe this is some sort of sick theme. See the other pics...makes me wonder about myself, actually...

Well, Let's See

I haven't posted much of anything to this blog in quite a while, as no one seems to read it. That's OK. Life here is pretty much the same as normal. Wake up, go to work, come home, sleep. I should be some kind of hermit or something I think. Still play golf as often as I can, but frankly don't quite have the drive for it that I used to, as I never improve. Here's a photo I took recently, or maybe a couple of them.

Mimi

Santa Interview

OK, so I made this up...but it could be real:
*************************

Santa on eggnog (from a 2005 Rolling Stone interview):

Yeah, it's great. I love it. I'm lactose intolerant so it really helps when I can rip a good one to shoot me back up the chimney. Hey, you got any brandy? I haven't had a drink in days and my cheeks are losing their glow.

Thanks. ahh...this is good stuff! Did I deliver this to you last year? Because if I did, I made a big mistake. I should have switched it out for an IPod and kept it for myself. Those things are killing me. Every little brat on the planet wants a GD IPod. 40 years ago it was Barbies or a wagon or something my elves could actually MAKE! You get what I'm saying?

Hit me once more....this is good stuff. AHH. Oh, yeah.

Anyways, those little elves can't make half the crap I'm expected to deliver these days. I need frigging engineers to make this stuff. In the old days it was wooden toys and dolls. You show me an elf that can make a GPS unit and I'll show you an elf that demands 100K at LEAST per year, plus time off and benefits. I've outsourced half of my production to China and most of my letter processing goes to Bangalore.

One more... AHH thanks. That hits the spot. Not like the eggnog that Mrs. Claus makes. She's such a puritan. AND she objects to my relationships with those eight tiny reindeer. She's not open minded at all. I told her once, honey, I'll make you a deal. I'll get rid of the reindeer and replace them with eight open minded Swedish girls who can fly. You OK with that? She didn't speak to me for a month, and TRUST me, I was happy with that.

Hey, hit me again.

You know, I like the way you dress. Nice tie. HOLD ON! I'm not hitting on you! One thing: Santa is NOT light in the loafers, just understand that. I'm just fashion conscious. Like I wear red because it brings out the red in my cheeks. I started out with orange. WHO IN THE WORLD can carry off wearing orange? Not this fat elf, that's for sure. I recently switched to Cole Haan boots because they really make a statement. Not that anybody sees me, but you have to be prepared in case little Suzy (who might not be so little...get my drift?) spies me stepping out from the chimney and needs a little extra special present...

Do you think I'm not thirsty or something?? Give it up, Mr. fashion plate. AAHHH....thanks.

And speaking of children, not that you were, but why in the F*** do they always leave milk and cookies for me? Don't they realize I have type two diabetes and it could kill me if I ate that S***? They want their next Christmas presents to be delivered by who? Sammy Hagar? I don't THINK so! Hang on..cell phone. [minutes pass] Sorry about that. It was Rudolph. He wants to know if I'm going to make his nose glow so bright when I get home! I told him to keep his pants on, and he doesn't have pants -- I don't think he's gonna speak to me for weeks or lead my sleigh this year, but what the hell. He's not the only reindeer that can have a red nose. Does he think I haven't heard of SPRAY PAINT!? Geezus.

One more and I'm outta here. AAAH, thanks.

Anyway, before I go, you want anything for Christmas? You've been a good listener.

Oh. Another friggin IPod. Why don't you just write to Steve Jobs instead? Maybe he'll get you one and give you some tips on how to at least coordinate your belt with your shoes. Not that I noticed. Merry Christmas.

[editor's note: Santa was later arrested by the Maricopa County Sheriff's department for driving a sleigh under the influence. Upon posting bond he was released under his own recognizance based on previous good behavior.]

The Rolling Stones, November 14th, 2006

Ahh....a day that will not live in infamy, for sure.

Went to see the Rolling Stones in our fair city! Imagine, the STONES in Idaho!

It was a GREAT show (dur) and we had seats that were (from my experience in judging distance from playing golf) about 18 yards from the stage, and at the same level. Much better than even floor / front row seats. I could not have picked better seats if I had tried.

Not much else to say about it. It was a terrific show and Mick and the boys played great, even though they have suffered much personal tragedy recently.

Golden Gate

Golf in Monterey

If you look closely at the upper right, you can see the ball...pretty cool.

Bad dream

This was one of those dreams that seems to last all night, and when you wake up and go back to sleep, it continues. The dream was very detailed, very realistic, and in Technicolor…

I was living in Hawaii somewhere, supposedly Maui but it was too urban and developed for Maui. It must’ve been Oahu, perhaps in Honolulu.

We heard on the news and by word of mouth that the Soviet Union (yep, Soviet Union) had just launched at least 10 nuclear warheads in the first wave of an assault on the U.S. We didn’t know where they were targeted or when more were coming, but apparently the U.S. had responded with an attack of their own. The end was beginning. For whatever reason, we figured we had about 3 hours until the world would be destroyed.

People gathered on and around the beach and watched toward the East for signs of anything changing; any flash, tidal waves, wind, etc. For the first couple of hours nothing happened. It was sunny and warm, and people continued to enjoy the beaches, but with a sense that they knew they didn’t have much time.

People at work had a final meeting. We were given quick final evaluations (I got a pretty good evaluation, but it was done mostly with symbols and charts and was somewhat confusing). We were told that we could continue to work, or leave. I left. Most people were driving away from the city. I knew that you wouldn’t want to live in a destroyed world if you survived, so I headed for the most likely target: downtown.

The thought crossed my mind of how much savings I had. I wondered if I could spend it all in 3 hours, but decided there wasn’t much point in it.

I decided to leave my wife and her mother at our house to go with my dad (who had come back from the dead to pick up some unused clothes in a J.C. Penney bag that he had left when he died and didn’t want to get burnt in the bombing, if there was one.) We went down to a shopping center that was built on some cliffs above a very deep part of the ocean. We figured that when the flash or tidal waves came in, we would be the first to go, either by incineration or by crashing into the sea. We talked about how he was already dead, so he wouldn’t be hurt, and soon I would be able to join him on “the other side.” At one point I was looking for parking spaces downtown. I found one and the meter had expired. I only put in enough change for 3 hours, because I figured that was about as much time as we had.

I ran out of cigarettes and bought some more. They didn’t have my brand, so I had to buy Winstons. There was a guy at the café/bar that we were in that traded in his SPF 45 sunscreen, requesting some SPF 4045. He got it, but it cost him 6000 dollars.

I was taking pictures, but I knew it was silly. My camera wouldn’t survive any better than I. The touch screen on the back of the camera was starting to malfunction for some reason.

The waves increased, but people kept surfing and swimming, even though there were only a few hours left, as we figured. The only thing on the radio or TV was pre-recorded messages about taking shelter and such. We figured the mainland must be obliterated, but we had seen no flashes.

Eventually the sky grew VERY dark, eventually turned black, and it began to snow very heavily. Apparently this was a sign that the bombs had kicked up enough debris into the atmosphere to block the sun. It grew very cold and ice chunks about the size of small cars started drifting in to the beach with frozen people on them. The people were frozen standing up for some reason. Many of them were children, with their arms raised toward the sky.

I used my cell phone light as a flashlight to navigate in the dark (I actually have a cell phone that can be used as a flashlight). At one point I went outside in the pitch black and down to the beach. I came back because it was too cold and windy (and still snowing), and no one had any winter clothes, this being Hawaii.

The waves became huge, like 10 stories, and in the distance we did see faint orange flashes light up the black sky from one end of the horizon to the other. Eventually the waves knocked the shopping center that we were in into the ocean. I woke up as the building sank into the sea, huge waves pounding it into the surf, submerging it quickly in the deep water off the cliffs.

I guess the theme of the dream was “what would you do if you knew the world as you know it was ending in 3 hours, for real, in a horrible and terribly final way? Would you try to survive, or try to go out quickly and not have to struggle afterward?” I opted to try to go out and not try to survive in a destroyed world. I don’t know what any of this means, if anything. Probably nothing.

Rolling Stones

So I got tickets today to see the Rolling Stones. A little more than I wanted to spend, but I got seats just off the main stage, 5 rows up. And they said it couldn't be done! (well, I'm not sure who said that, but they were wrong).

I hope I haven't offended anyone with this post. You never can tell these days.

Test Pics From New Camera

This is the new baby in the family. Chihuahua and Lhasa Apso mix (I'm not sure on the spelling there). She's about the size of a newt, and likes to travel in a purse for outings, or stand up and look for people that might pet her.
She is honestly the cutest puppy I have ever seen, and she's smart as a whip! AND she has puppy breath and a little pink tummy that she likes rubbed. She's big on giving kisses, as well.

Blackbird

Not the sharpest pic, but this little guy/gal was really wanting his or her parents to show up and take him or her home. I am SICK of having to be politically correct when describing a small bird. Jeez o Pete!

Plants

Here is a pic of my bay laurel (laurus nobilis) tree. I watered it yesterday and I thought it looked fairly attractive, in a plant-like way. I don't have lustful thoughts about it, though, if that is what you were thinking.

Found in my Freezer

So I finally got rid of my freezer that has been around since 1950. In it I found two cans of this stuff. Pretty cool, no pun intended. This must be the precursor to ice gel packs. They were way ahead of their time.

Father's Day

Let this be a lesson to all who may care: Never play golf on father's day unless you want to spend the entire day waiting. Everyone and their dog brings out Pops and the 19 children to have a round, even though they haven't played in many years. It took me 6 hours to play one round. One hour for the first three holes, and I'm not exaggerating.

Having said this, I've learned my lesson and I congratulate all the fathers out there. I wish I still had my Father to take out and waste everyone's time with.

I miss you Dad. I would give anything for another round of golf with you and a beer in the clubhouse afterward.

I hope you're doing well and have access to blogs in whatever form of afterlife you may be experiencing.

Peace.

Love,
Your son

Golf, June 11th, 2006

Much to my amazement, I shot an 88 today. I know that's nothing special for most golfers out there, but I've been in a slump and shooting high 90s or above lately. Today I shot par on 5 holes. Even parred the monster 600 yard par 5 on this particular course. On two holes I hit my 23 degree fairway wood within a couple of the feet of the cup from 170 yards. Most everything was either par or bogey, with a couple of double bogies. It was all good...or at least I didn't have any horrible holes. Must be the new golf balls, or maybe it was the lack of sleep I had from being a bad person the night before and staying up way too late.

I know that no one cares about this but me, but I was happy!

Canyon Springs Golf Course - A Hidden Treasure!

I got to play golf at this charming golf course yesterday. I'm convinced that it is truly one of the undiscovered gems of Pacific Northwest golf. It's a public course in Twin Falls, Idaho (birthplace of yours truly). The scenery is magnificent (note the gorgeous waterfall), and the course is fun, well maintained, and challenging. The locals were totally friendly (they must have known that I was a native) and the whole course was totally wonderful. They had more marmots running around than you could shake a stick at (if that's your idea of a good time), and the canyon walls created a nice, comfortable feeling of being somehow protected from the sun and elements. Pelicans circled in the sky, and the close proximity of the river kept the temperature down. The world famous Perrine Bridge (people BASE jump off of it all the time) is never far from view, and is quite stunning. Oh, and did I mention that the green fees for a weekday afternoon are 30 bucks? Fantastic!

This is definitely going to be one of my "go-to" golf courses in the future. I just can't say enough about what a wonderful golf course this is, and they didn't even pay me!

More on Ducks

These are my sister's ducks as of yesterday. She lives on a ranch near Reno, Nevada. They had a bit of a freak snowstorm for late May. I'm sure the ducks are wishing they were someplace warm, but the weather didn't stop them from parading around.

Ducks

It is with great sadness that I must report that something has apparently happened to the male mallard shown on this blog.

Yesterday evening I saw his wife. Alone. Wandering around the neighborhood looking totally lost. The two of them were never more than a foot apart. By this time in the afternoon they should be napping underneath my trees. Unfortunately, neither of them have returned, and I fear the worst for the poor chap.

I never even new his name.

Damn.

Maybe by some miracle he will show up again, but I'm not very confident right now.

Neil Young

I have two words to say about Neil Young's new album, "Living With War" : Buy it. Finally someone has the balls to make a statement about our pseudo President and his lackeys and the moronic war he's gotten us into. Plus, besides the politically astute statements in the album, the damn thing totally rocks, as you would expect from Neil Young. He's not getting older, he's getting better. Someday, he may make a beauty products commercial.

Rock on, Neil. Keep sticking it to "the man;" perhaps people will listen to you. God knows they don't listen to me.

Peace.