Oriental Philosophy Department

This is a reprint of something I wrote when I was about 12 years old. Don't hold it against me. Much of it is pretty childish, and silly.

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Question asked by Kwai Chiang Kane:
"Master, why do I have toes and never use them?"
Reply:
"Ah, Grasshopper, this is a very wise question you have asked. Do not the winds stir the meadow into a frenzy of dances and song? Do not the rats and monkeys scurry down the lane where there lurks hildegard sage hens, waspies and spooky things that dance in the night, only to be swallowed up in a Spanky & Our Gang Film Festival?
Walk among the rice patties, pick up a few broads, ponder your inner self and not that of a mere body. Suck rocks. Dance like a crazy monkey in the light of the moon, then return at morning only to discover that the flight of a gull has interupted your meaningless wanderings by disturbing the tranquility of your soul when he nipped at your nose. Read the Koans, find the sound of one hand, find the sounds of two feet, find the smell of gastric disurbances, wander in the woods, eat hickory nuts, eat a rickshaw, get barmitzvahed, take the band aids off your eyes, paint a picture of Kate, accept any name they call you, for this is what you truly are, and chew your ears. So. Do you understand?"

"No, Master."
"Then get off my back you squirrely eyed half breed!"
[that's a little off color, these days -- editor]